We are pleased to bring you the latest in the ASIB on the WEB series of helpful guides to performing seemingly simple everyday tasks with a football related theme, which has been inspired by the Football Authorities' essential, and eminently respectful, instructions on to "How to Shake Hands".  This week, we bring you everything you are ever likely to know about Urinating before engaging in a local league football match, as inspired by precedent and seemingly accepted practice at grounds up and down the country each and every weekend!!!

1)                   Leave Changing Room (cf Leaving Changing Room instructions), passing & ignoring WC on the way (A)

2)                   Walk to the pitch (B)

3)                  Run around for a minute in attempt to (a) look athletic and (b) avoid having to do anything mundane like putting the corner flags out  (C)

4)                  Run 100 yards past goal  (D)

5)                   Ignore all practice balls in the immediate vicinity

6)                   Locate bush or just turn back on other players

7)                   Have piss  (P)

8)                   Ignoring all practice balls in the vicinity, return to pitch slowly (E), just in case anything mundane such as putting the corner flags out still needs to be done