Nothing much gets past Mark Taylor, you know. Benefitting, as he does, from a mormon lifestyle to which he has adhered for years, his senses unsullied by any kind of indulgence in any form of substance, alcoholic, illicit or otherwise, his grasp of what is going on should be unparalleled, certainly within the ranks of players at Star FC. His awareness razor sharp, his cognisance to be envied and his focus, particularly on match days, unwavering. Yes, you’d have to get up pretty early in the morning to get one past Mark Taylor – at least, that is what we thought until last weekend, at about 2.50 pm, whilst the third team were thumping Wickwar Wanderers in the County Cup.

Rob Vaughan had just turned home his second goal of the game, and the team’s third, to, effectively, put the result beyond doubt when the watching, collective throng took the opportunity, presented by the protracted nature of the return of the ball to the centre circle, to turn round and observe the Reserve team’s preparations for their Division Two match with Bredon. As they did so, the collective throng – which, if substitutes and opposition managers were removed, numbered the club’s chairman and its general Secretary – became aware of the fact that Mark Taylor was running towards them at what he would term some speed. As he approached, he looked keen and eager, enthusiasm almost overwhelming him as he started to fiddle with one of his fingers. If there had been time, Matt Harvey might have become somewhat worried by this action but, as it was, there was no opportunity for Matt to be overwhelmed by concern as Mark thrust a ring in his general direction and blurted – "look after this for me whilst I’m playing, please mate!"

Now, this, in its self, was not especially unusual. Mark was due to play for the Reserves, who, by now, were shouting loudly in his direction, trying to get him to rejoin their pre-match stretches as he was part of the starting 11 that would be taking the field in just under 10 minutes. However, what followed had some people reaching for their mobile phones and others moving to a safe distance. Mark walked past Matt and stood by the side of the pitch on which, by now, the second half of the third team game had resumed and was, once again, in full swing. "Any Score" said Mark. "We’re 3-0 up" came the reply, to which Mark remarked "Really – this early", an observation which definitely started to make brows furrow. It was pointed out to Mark that he ought not to stand so close to the side of the pitch, as he was bedecked resplendant in yellow shirt and blue shorts, just itching to get into the action, to which Mark’s reply was "Yes, yes, I know, I know - I know I’m late but I was supposed to be starting and I really want to get on as soon as I can"

As perverse as this reply was, taken in isolation, at last pennies began to drop amongst the collective throng and, following a few glances of inquiry between its members, just to make sure that everyone had heard what had just been uttered, everyone fell about laughing. Mark grinned, hoping he had just missed the punchline and that he wasn’t completely stupid, before having to admit to himself that he really didn’t have a clue what was going on, provoking him to ask "What?????"

Matt Harvey was the first to compose himself sufficiently to reply "This is the third team Mark – you are playing with the second team, over there!!!".

A quick, inquisitive look from Mark at everyone else who had just about regained control of themselves persuaded him that this was not a wind up and the reason that everyone on the other pitch was shouting at him was because they were the seconds and that was where he was supposed to be. A sheepish smile preceded his disappearance, at what everyone else would agree was real pace, before the Chairman pondered life at the helm of Star Football Club. This was the most sober, most aware and most clued up individual the club has got, and he couldn’t tell the difference between the seconds and the thirds, even though he had run past his team to get to the wrong one. The shiver he then felt wasn’t just due to the weather!!!